so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
