oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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