Michael Bay diarrhea
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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