the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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