He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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