proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
