What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
please come you make the beer taste better
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Randomize
