and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
