I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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