I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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