my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
