the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
