Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
