FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
