I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
