Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
