I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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