Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
