Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
