i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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