Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
