Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
