We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
