i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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