what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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