Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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