My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
