my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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