Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
