this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
