I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Yo dont text me then not text me
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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