Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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