everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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