in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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