I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just found a bag of teeth...
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
