I'm eating all of the evidence.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
