I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
