White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
