i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
