I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
