It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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