first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
