Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
