Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
