Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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