She tied me up with her honor cords...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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