i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
