Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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