I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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