dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
