we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
