I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
