im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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