I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
The ass gains better be worth it
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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