i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
