Have you finally orgasmed yet?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
