Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
