The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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