I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
