can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
