When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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