So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
