Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
