yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
