Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
