Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I want to be your penis for a week.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
