Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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