Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
