just tell him i said nine months
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
should my penis look like a turkey
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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