i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
