Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
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