a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize