Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
