If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
