do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
