I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
