wrigley field is MILF paradise
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
