I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
