I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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