I hate all girls vehemently.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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