I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
