what day is it and did you see me today?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I have post one night stand depression
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