his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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