i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
