I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
